Gas! Gas! Gas!

My father is (was) an NBC warfare specialist for the Army. As an instructor, he would tell stories about training guys for getting in MOPP 4 gear. Nine seconds is the Army regulation for doing so, but Dad would tell them to get it done in seven and brag about how he could do it in five.

When you understand the reasons why it must be so quick, you realize that this is no ordinary training exercise. Any one of the camps deployed along the Iraqi-Kuwaiti border holds the potential for a surprise attack, and nine seconds may be all the time you have between the successful deployment an Iraqi Scud or drone and a body bag. Training is usually done at the worst times – at night, in the open, when you have the gear in front of you, etc. Nine seconds, soldiers.

Of course, I have no sympathy for our men in green. Try getting dressed, cleaning your room, brushing your teeth, or piling into the car in nine seconds while someone brags about being able to do it in five. The Army owes me stripes, dammit.